she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
