Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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