Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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