I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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