If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Oh god it's open bar.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
