so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
