so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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