I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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