you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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