Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Congratulations! We have a period
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