im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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