My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
