im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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