If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
