Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
