if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
