I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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