if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
