We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
