She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So squirting runs in the family.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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