You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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