Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
