My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
