Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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