fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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