Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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