I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
