Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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