just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
