he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
