Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
