So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
