I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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