Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I still have a little drunk in my system
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
