In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
