I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
