Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
