Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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