I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
