Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
