Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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