is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
