I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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