lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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