In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
