There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
