Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
