I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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