I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
