Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
