I've blown a few things in my day
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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