sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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