I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
