HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My pussy is not your playground.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your cock deserves a montage
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
