New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
