Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
