For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
