If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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