your thong is hanging out like whoa
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
