just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
