I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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