i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Someone shattered a urinal.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
