so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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