I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
