I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
