there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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