I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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