Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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