You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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