I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
