Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
