Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
