im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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