ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
