Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
