On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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