im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.