I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers