i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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