maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well