I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
