She's JV to your varsity
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
