i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
